he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
