im drinking this country out of the recession.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
