Already got asked if we're dating
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
