well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
