3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am naked and annoyed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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