Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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