I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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