it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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