So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
