i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
