There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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