were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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