i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize