We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
420 ftw
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
