I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
