1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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