its not stalking. its research.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
