He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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