I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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