wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
