Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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