I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
