Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
