Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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