but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
