I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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