A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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