In the future we'll all be gay
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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