Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
