oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize