Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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