You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
