why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My ATM looks so different sober.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
