is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
