Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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