Quick, to the slutcave!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
