Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
