My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize