I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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