I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
