Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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