you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize