Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize