and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
