"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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