I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
