His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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