ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
