She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
