Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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