rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
