You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He did a backflip because drugs
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