Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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