that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
