my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize