A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
