I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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