just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
