I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
