The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
