I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you had me at cake vodka
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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