I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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