dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
