I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
