so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
