Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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