I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
