Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
