I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
